I was a bit nervous to start at my current gym. It’s popular, and it’s sort of a fitness-lovers gym, but I hated my last gym, which was more of an “every day person” gym (which I thought I was), and was cheap, but had the rudest people I’ve ever met – both gym-goers and employees.
However, I’ve been pleasantly surprised with the people who work at my current gym (especially) and the people who work out there. They’re pretty friendly overall, complimentary, and just really nice and encouraging. I’ve had a number of people give me genuine compliments on something I’m doing (and not in the “Oh my god! Good for you!” backhanded way…which I had at my last gym, like it was shocking as hell that I could run in intervals on the treadmill and not keel over and die), whether in the locker room or from the trainers, or just walking around. They don’t bug me and try to chat when I have my headphones in (a pet peeve), they just say what they want to say and go do their thing, too. Guess I’m more of a gym rat than I thought.
But every once in awhile, I get some person who looks at me and just can’t keep that look off their face. The “What the hell are you doing here? Get out of my space where the fit people are” look. Sunday, I had one, and it took everything in me not to give her full, direct bitch face while waiting for her to stop looking at my body and look me in the eye. She was very fit, and in a sports bra and leggings without an ounce of fat (and I have zero problem with that look. If I could wear it, and be comfortable, I would – and very well might if I get to being comfortable enough to wear it). She did it three separate times while I passed in her vicinity. I feel pretty much like a bad-ass bitch when I’m at the gym, partially because I have a plan and know what I’m doing now when I’m there (key), and partially because I’ve had good support from people while there, and because I have a great trainer who is very supportive there. So, for me to even notice someone giving me that look it has to be fairly obvious.
Sunday, after seeing that woman’s look I felt a little bit of self-consciousness rolling in, but I walked to the mirror, looked at myself, made sure my underwear weren’t showing through my leggings (had to be sure), and went, “I look good” and really didn’t give it another thought, even when I saw her do it again. I’m actually just realizing how huge that is for me. To purposefully avail myself of the mirror (#1), check myself out (full body), and not have the first thing I think be, “Fuck.” It tells a lot about how far I’ve come in my thought process especially–and that’s half this battle (at least, maybe 65-70%). I was able to be proud of how far I’ve come, and just let that be it–I didn’t have to compare myself to her (I am now saying, “I looked good. I don’t look like her, and that’s ok, but I looked good” – but even that’s pretty damned awesome for me). I could just make sure my underwear wasn’t showing, give myself a pat on the back, and get back to my workout.
And my all black outfit looked killer with my (bleached) white hair.